Donald Trump makes a hero out of Justin Trudeau

June 11, 2018 6:47 PM

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The basket, woven out of Canadian steel and aluminum, could be filled with Kraft Dinner, poutine, a Canada Goose parka and crude oil. And it could be sent to the Capella Hotel in Singapore. That’s where Trump is summiting with Kim Jong Un this week, energized by his layover in Quebec this weekend, where he turned the G7 into a gong show for the ages.

I suppose Trump deserves credit for making an appearance in Canada. It’s clear he would’ve rather killed time in Timbuktu rather than Charlevoix. I’ve seen children looking happier as their sleeves were rolled up inside a flu clinic. Trump doesn’t believe in free trade any more than Kyrie Irving believes the Earth is round. Trump values America’s allies in the same way Meghan Markle now needs Tinder.

If they ever make a movie about this year’s G7 meeting — and the screenplay should be based on Tonda MacCharles’ dazzling reportage — the mystery would be called G6 Versus T1. It would be a barnburner full of geopolitical intrigue.

Also read: China criticizes Trudeau’s comments on decision to hand down death penalty

I’d like now to apologize for all the rotten things I’ve said about Mr. Trudeau. I take it all back. The next time I’m shopping for hosiery, I will buy him a pair of fancy socks. The next time I’m tempted to criticize his wishy-washy leadership or fixation with celebrity or insufferable obsession with identity politics, I promise to look the other way and instead write about a Kardashian or an insane trend in denim.

I don’t know what Trump and his bootlicking advisers hoped to achieve by launching vicious attacks on our leader over the last 72 hours. But by calling Trudeau “weak and dishonest,” by suggesting he is a duplicitous backstabber for whom “a special place in hell” is reserved, Team Trump’s flyby smears have now united the world behind Justin Trudeau.

The White House has made a hero of our man in office. I haven’t felt this patriotic since Mario Lemieux took a give-and-go pass from Wayne Gretzky and buried the winning goal at the Canada Cup in 1987.

When Andrew Scheer, Doug Ford and Stephen Harper all feel compelled to publicly stand up for a PM they otherwise suspect is an incompetent stooge who poses for selfies while championing future catastrophes, you know Trump has really screwed up. These attacks are such a boon to Trudeau’s image, a conspiracy theorist might reasonably conclude the prime minister paid millions in secret bribes to get Trump to publicly kick him in the gonads so he could revel in the PR windfall. The only way Trump could’ve made Trudeau look better on the world stage is if he faked choking on a burger this weekend and then let Trudeau perform the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Also read: Trump threat to Turkey shows U.S. commitment to Kurds, says Pompeo


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